A Serendipitous Sign Indeed

Image credit

Today, after dropping my 3 girls off at school, my feet decided they did not want to return home. Well, not straight away, at least. What was waiting for me at Casa de Whoa Mamma (dirty dishes, dirty laundry, sticky floors and smudged windows) could wait a little longer.

The sun was shining, warming my back as my black pointy-toed flats led the way. I wasn't sure where I was heading. I was wandering. Meandering. Destination unkown.

I love walking. I can (and often do) walk for hours. While I walk, I get lost in thoughts. I problem solve. I daydream. It relaxes me.

I walked through the park, friendly dogs approaching me, trying to lick my ankles. Birds frolicked in the trees. Joggers raced on by, followed by a whizz of cyclists. Calmness, serenity. I smiled at a group of elderly ladies all dolled up in their hot pink tennis outfits with matching hot pink lipstick shuffling off to their tennis club. 'I hope I'm that awesome when I'm 80', I thought to myself.

My feet felt the urge to turn left, so I followed. Meandering through the back streets and cobbled laneways of my neighbourhood. It's funny how you can spend your whole time growing up in a neighbourhood and yet discover streets that you never new existed.

This was my excitement for the day. The thrill of discovery. The thrill of exploring. I 'ooooohed' and 'aaaaaahed' over pretty little cottages with their pretty little gardens. Strangers walked by and we'd smile and say 'Hello'. I know we teach our children never to talk to strangers but it is always nice to share a smile and extend a bright and cheery 'hello'. It's good for the soul, I say.

The highlight of my walk was when I came across a house that featured a glorious cursive metal sign featuring two simple words: 'Hello, Beautiful'. What an impact it had. It stopped me in my tracks and filled me with delight. It actually made me feel beautiful. 'Aw, shucks. Thank you, House. What a lovely thing for you to say'.

I took a photo and posted it on instagram. One of my followers recognized the house as belonging to a friend of hers. I commented that her friend has a gorgeous house and must be a gorgeous person to feature a sign like that for all to see. She replied that her friend just likes to make people smile.

The world needs more friends like that, don't you think?

♥

Do you ever wander or meander?

Where do you like to go to get lost in your thoughts?

Phoenix Rising

It has been a while since my last blog post. A long, long while.
'What happened to your blog?', they asked.
'Why have you stopped writing?', they queried.
I don't know.
Something inside me quietened and sought shelter deep within my soul.
I'm not sure exactly why, but suddenly I felt vulnerable and exposed.
I was sharing a lot about my life and my family and, although I very much enjoyed doing it, I suddenly felt the need to retreat.

A shy gal, such that I am, needs a bit of quiet time now and then.

My thoughts and my dreams hibernated in their safe place, swirling around with my list of Must-Do's. Sometimes it was quite chaotic in that little mind of mine. The clashing of Wants vs Needs. I needed the quiet time to re-evaluate my priorities and to put things into perspective. The past few months have seen me earnestly dedicating my time to my husband and children, creating beautiful moments with them, while my caterpillar-like soul snuggled in her cocoon.

I've had my rest and now I'm ready. The cocoon served its purpose. This butterfly is ready to spread her creative wings and take flight.

So many ideas are fluttering about in my head. So many possibilities. So many paths I could take. It's a little bit scary, you know? Unleashing your creative spirit. Especially since I've been holding it back for so long. It's like a wild, black stallion on a stampede. Dangerous and exhilirating. But I'm ready for the ride. Giddy-up!

Have you been holding back your creative urges?
What is your  soul crying out for? Are you ready to listen to it?
What's holding you back?
GO FOR IT!!!!!

♥

The Haunting Words of Mr F

Artwork by Katie Daisy

I awoke, determined.

I often make promises to myself, many I have failed to keep.

Changes needed to be made.

My intentions are (mostly!) good and pure, in this one and only precious life we have.

While half of me is grounded in the domestic drudgery of cleaning, cooking, shopping, organising things for school, entertaining kiddies and le Husband and just trying to catch up on stuff, the other half of me is soaring in the clouds, dreaming of adventures and Pretty Little Things to create.

I have a special little shelf in my cupboard for my 'When I Have Time...' projects.

Beautiful fabrics, golden threads, bamboo handles, glass beads, earring backings, embossed paper, silk ribbons, watercolours, vintage flowers, nuggets of turquoise, Yiayia's unfinished embroideries. My collection has been sitting there patiently for about 6 1/2 years, since the day my first borns came into this world. My Box of Pretty Things is awaiting the moment I latch onto the Runaway Horse of Creative Inspiration when it hits, holding tightly on its reigns, galloping and yee-haaa-ing with joyous glee instead of shrugging my shoulders and waving glumly as it passes me by, yet again.

My heart cries out as I scrub another crusty pasta pot:

"Oh Spirit of Creativity! Do not abandon me!

We will be together! We will create!

I promise! I'll Try!"

The words of my 4th Grade Teacher, Mr F come back to haunt me. 

Mr F was tall and dandy. He had a head shaped like an egg, bald and shiny on top. 

He had round black-rimmed spectacles and wore pinstriped pants that made him look as tall as a tower. To these pants he would attach silver bicycle clips near his ankles so that his trousers would not get caught up as his long, spindly legs powered his bicycle to school.

Mr F was very Proper. He relished in the Queen's English and rolled his R's when he spoke: (Rrrrrrrodney! Please stop harrrrrassing that poorrrrrr girrrrrrl and rrrreturrrn to yourrrrr seat prrrromptly!). He was very theatrical and was in his element when conducting our music lessons. We would sit on the floor as he took position at the schools piano, under a portrait of HRH Queen Elizebeth II, resplendant in her puffy yellow gown and majestic crown. 

"Zippedy Doo Dah! Zippedy Ay!

My Oh My What A Wonderful Day!

Plenty of Sunshine Heading My Way!

Zippedy Doo Dah! Zippedy Ay!"

His energetic fingers would thump away at the piano keys, like an octopus flailing it's tentacles. Mr F would bob up and down, the piano stool squeaking threateningly. It was a wonder he never broke it or fell off it.

It was the night of parent/teacher interviews and my parents took their places on the little squeaky wooden chairs positioned in front of Mr F's desk. I sat meekly behind them.

"Well!", exclaimed Mr F, "What can I say about Jessica? She is a puuuuuuuuuurre delight!

A's in writing, A's in mathematics, she loves herrrrr arrrrrrrt and parrrrrticipates most joyously in ourrrrr musical prrrresentations".

"Therrrrre is one thing, I could add, howeverrrr....." 

He leaned in closer. His change of position set his spectacles ablaze reflecting the light of the classroom. He looked almost Supernatural.

"She is a most fabulous student, but...... I have neverrrrr seen herrrr trrrrrry....."

I have mulled over those words all my life.

Was this good or bad?

Things would just naturally click in my mind while I was at school.
A quiet achiever.

I loved reading and I loved writing stories. Maths just seemed to work in my head.

My grades were always high (except for Physical Education, but that's another blog post. You'll get your chapter, Mr S).

If I could achieve things without trying, wasn't that a good thing?

" I have never seen her try...."

Mr F was right.

Many things in my life seem to have happened effortlessly.

Whether it's been willing it with all my heart and soul or putting it out to the universe, things just seem to fall into place. But not always. 

In some instances I have tried and failed badly. I have fought hard. I have tried to make relationships work, putting all my heart and soul in them but to no avail. What more could I do? What more could I give? It wasn't meant to be. And in hindsight that was a good thing, the best thing. For I was not being honoured or respected or cherished. Those lessons made me stronger and wiser.

The biggest battle in my life at the moment is balancing the needs of my family against the needs of My Self. Family inadvertently always wins. But maybe I should rephrase that.

It's not about Winning and Losing.

This is about Winning and Winning.

My first pledge is Not To Give Up.

Even as I type, my children are fighting, spilling milk, shredding tissue paper all over my loungeroom floor, my husband is shooing the cat off the kitchen bench, my sister is asking me to drive her somewhere, I have 5 baskets of washing waiting for me in the laundry, the fridge is practically empty, I have no idea what I'm going to cook for dinner, my grandmothers want me to come to visit, I still haven't done our taxes, the plants in my garden are withering, I'm wondering what's going on in Facebook Land, my floors are crunchy, I'm still in my pyjamas, and I do believe I'm due a toilet break.

But look here, Mr F!

I am trying!

I am perservering!

It would be so easy for me to succumb to my Haus Frau Guilt, get off this laptop and tend to Life's Messes like I usually do. Deny my passions, deny my Right to Write.

But I'm not, am I?

Right now, I choose me.

I choose to ride my Creativity Dragon and release these humble little words.

I have created a Blog Post!

And do you know what, Haus Frau Guilt?

I have picked up my Yiayia's unfinished embroidery and I am doing a little section EVERY DAY.

Little by little.
Each little strand I weave makes my heart smile bigger and bigger and bigger.

And next week I am going to make some earrings.
Dangly ones, with gold and turquoise.

And the week after that, a handbag with bamboo handles that I will fill with treasures and carry proudly around with me when I go to the shops to buy more fabric softener and cat food.

I am going to Keep On Going.

And as long as I keep on going,  I am Winning.

What happens when you 'try' in Life?

What would you like to 'try'?
Are you afraid of failing? Or succeeding?

I'm so excited to be nominated for a spot in the Circle of Moms 'Top 25 Aussie Mum Blogs!'.
If you'd like to help me get there, please feel free to click on the link and Vote!
Thank you for your Love & Support, my precious ones!

Dream Big, Little Ones

Some kids at school made me cry today.

They were not my darling twins who were singing and dancing on stage about 'Celebrating Friends' (although I was an extremely proud Mamma, gleefully recording them on my phone).
I shed a tear when the next group of children came out to share their Philosophy class project.
Each child was asked to think about a dream or goal they would like to achieve, and to think about what steps they needed to take to achieve them.

Inspired by a visit from inspirational sportsman and footballer, Jim Stynes, who is currently battling cancer, he asked the children to go home and make a poster of their dream, and to stick it up somewhere where they could see it everyday, reminding them that they have something to strive for in life.

The children came out on stage with their dreams in their hands. Bright, sparkly, glittery, shimmery dreams, decorated with pictures, photos, ribbons and drawings, held out proudly for all the teachers, parents and carers to see. Boys and girls with Hope in their hands, the Future in front of them. I scanned the placards: dreams of being a fisherman, a kennel keeper, a fashion designer, a teacher, to travel to Paris, to climb mountains, to build a house, to open a restaurant to feed hungry people, to discover treasure, to kick winning goals.

My heart swelled with admiration for these little beings, and a tear escaped from behind my big, black Oroton sunglasses and trickled down my cheek. It made me think of my own dreams. Have I achieved them all? No. But there's still time to turn my Dreaming into Doing.

I wish, hope and pray that all those children, and my children, and your children, and every child on this planet achieves their little dream, whatever that may be. Who are we to judge, or tell them it can't be done?

If there's anything that I really want to instill in my girls, it is To Believe in Themselves, and To Believe That They Can.

In the famous word's of Audrey Hepburn:

"Nothing is Impossible. The word itself says I'm Possible"

Are you living your Dream? 

The Cowgirl Sisterhood : or : Why I Wanna Be A Cowgirl

It might come as a surprise to some of you, but contrary to my 'Whoa, Mamma!' profile pic (the fabulous print by renowned vintage pinup artist, Gil Elvgren), I'm not actually a Cowgirl. Nor am I blonde. But I am buxom. And I damn well want to learn how to use a lassoo (oh, the things I could do...)   ;)

My Cowgirl alter-ego came about one day when I was literally at the end of my tether. The demands of Motherhood were overwhelming me, Housework was swamping me, and I didn't know which way to turn. I thought if I heard one more complaint/demand/argument or slipped on another trodden grape/banana/vegemite sandwich, I would explode.

So I went and locked myself in my room for a bit of time-out.

I'm one of those types who'll smile and say everything is alright, even when it isn't.

On this particular day, I hit a wall. I felt I had noone to turn to. I needed to release. And so, I opened up my laptop, googled  Blogger, and set about creating my little blog, 'Whoa, Mamma!'

I had no idea what a blog was or how to go about it. I had no intention of  anybody reading it, except me. To me, my little darling blog was a 21st Century version of my high-school diary. A place to put down my thoughts and feelings, memories and emotions.

But to write, to express my thoughts and feelings, I need to be Brave. In order to be Brave enough to hit that 'PUBLISH' button on my first post, I needed an alter-ego. I envisaged myself as strong, confident, resilient, a free spirit, and maybe even a lil bit sassy. Immediately an image of a Cowgirl came to mind, and everything just clicked. I felt at home. I was up on my horse and galloping, baby! Yee-ha!!

What is it about Cowgirls? To me, they embody strength, resilience, hardwork, at one with the land, they get going when times are tough. They also exemplify an incredible faith , a freedom of spirit and an absolute devotion to their families and communities. They band together and support each other in times of need.

There's also a sassy sexiness associated with Cowgirls. 

Hello? Girls with guns?

Girls with whips and lassos riding astride wild beasts? Catch my drift?

Blogging under the guise of 'Whoa, Mamma' has also been a wonderful way to meet kindred spirits (that's YOU, my darling readers!). And some of the most gorgeous hearted souls I've ever had the privilege of 'meeting' include real life cowgirls: strong, independent, inspiring women who promote the cowgirl way.

These women and their communities inspire me on a daily basis. The Cowgirl Sisterhood, in particular: Barbara from 'Shabby Cowgirl', Vicki from 'Cowgirl Boutique', and Elise from 'Cowgirl in the Sand'.

It is with much love and adoration that I dedicate this post to them and thank them for welcoming me into their Cowgirl World. Giddy-up Sisters!

♥ Jess xxx

*A special thank-you to all who have been supporting me and voting for me to be included in the Circle of Moms 'Top 25 Aussie Mum Blogs'. I'm so humbled and grateful for it all.
If you like what I do here at 'Whoa, Mamma!' and want to show your love with  a vote, just click the link below:

Vote for 'Whoa, Mamma!' in the Circle of Moms 'Top 25 Aussie Mum Blogs'

Thanks again, my lovelies!
Yee-ha!
♥ Jess xxx

Hello? Spontaneity? Come Back Please!

image from here

"O where, o where has my Spon-ta-ne-i-ty gone?

O where, o where could it be?"

  

This year I have been making many pledges to myself. Trying to find the 'Me' in 'Mother'. Ever since I became The Mum, everything that (I thought) I was, everything that I had dreamed for myself, changed. On my very first day as a Mum, I had new priorities and there were two of them (twins). They were my new world and nothing else mattered. Well, that is not entirely true, because my Darling Hubby mattered, and I mattered, but I couldn't get my head around how to fit 'us' into the priorities anymore. So I began editing madly, like a frenzied Tarantino. Social life was over, too hard! Cut! Jewellery and accessories? A choking hazard! Had to go. Cut! Friends? Most were still single and carefree. Schmoozing and cocktails was definitely out. Gone were the 'Sex and the City' days, hello 'Tired and the Bleary' days. Cut! Cut! Cut! Reading and writing? Are you serious?! My treasured novels were replaced by a 'How-To-Raise-Twins' manual, and the only opportunity I had to proudly display my delightful penmanship was when writing out the endless grocery lists I handed over to Hubby: Go Forth and Shop! I could not find the time nor strength for anything else in life which was not baby-related. Well, that's not entirely true. Hubby and I must have found time for something because I was pregnant again by the time the twins were 6 months old! Three babies within 16 months!!!!

The whirlwind that is Motherhood, I've found, has stripped me of my Spontaneity. Remember the thrill of being able to just leave the house at anytime, and go anywhere, and do any old silly thing you felt like? I miss those days. To survive (and for your kiddies to survive) planning, scheduling and researching (generally) make  life as a Domestic Goddess much easier. Let’s see, there are Meal Plans, Daily Tasks, Weekly Planners, Laundry Days, Grocery Days, Sex Days (just kidding...or am I????).  Cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing (ha!). Some days I just feel like I’m living the same day over, and over, and over again.  Which brings me to the dreaded word ....'Routine'. Granted, things tend to run smoother in life when we stick to it, but 'routine' hides another word: 'rut' , and I'm pledging to get out of one.

    Somewhere under the Mum is the 'Me'. She's been very patient and obedient for the last 5 years, a model citizen, but somewhat frozen in time. I fear she's been feeling a little bit forgotten and unappreciated. She used to be daring, exciting, spontaneous! The girl that set off to buy toilet paper one dreary morning in London, and found herself 3 hours later on a flight to Menorca with her bestie, enjoying 3 days of sangria, communist youth hostels, secret nudie beaches and Espadrille heaven! Oh, spontaneity! I miss you!

‘What about me?’ pouts the inner-Girl of Yore. 

‘Yes? What about you?’ replies the exhausted Mummy-Me Exterior.

‘What about all the writing, and the travelling, and the designing, and the creating, the villa in Tuscany and the Academy Award I was going to win?’ (High hopes, a girl can dream). 

‘Well, you have CHILDREN now, you have a HUSBAND, YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!’ says the Mummy-Me, as she gives the overflowing baskets of laundry the Evil-Eye.

‘Yes, but can't I still do things? I promise I won't get in anybody's way?’

And that's the sad truth. I'm slowly trying to find ways of doing things that will enhance my soul and my being, but without it impacting or detracting from my family time. It's a juggling act, and as is often the case, I just drop the balls and give up if my family needs me. Mother Guilt is the nagging voice that kills off spontaneity, and more often than not, I heed her call.  I started up at the gym last year, signing up to a 12 month membership. I've attended sporadically 10 times in the last 12 months. I was given gift vouchers for  sewing and bagmaking courses which I had desperately wanted to do, nut they ended up expiring because I stayed home to tend to sick kiddies. My family needed me. The scary thing is though, I'm almost setting myself up for a fail. I find it's easier to just opt out of a situation because I half expect it to fall through anyway.

Ever heard the of the term "Getting ready to get ready"? I think Dr Phil throws it about alot. It basically refers to preparing, planning, researching and scheduling your next step in order to take the Next Step. I’ll admit, I've been doing this for a while now. I think it's best known as PROCRASTINATING. I’m probably the Queen of Procrastination. Well, not anymore, sister! I've had enough of it! I'm not going to just say things and wish for things to happen, I'M GOING TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN!!  Ladies Who Lunch? Ha! I'm going to be the Lady Who Launched.  Taking the plunge, going out there, facing my fears and jumping off the edge. And Blogging has been my very first step. I've always loved to write. I have a trunk filled with journals and sketchbooks from when I was a child. Growing up I was never without a notebook or pencil. But I had stopped writing over the last 5 years and it had almost felt like a part of me had died. Do you know the TERROR I felt when I pressed on that little orange 'PUBLISH' button for my very first blog post?  I may as well have been posting rudie-nudie pics of myself all over cyberspace, that's how exposed I felt. But I DID IT!!!! Yee-haaaaa!

 This year is all about Inspiration and (Re)Discovery. I'm surrounding myself with beautiful things and ideas that uplift, inspire and enthrall me. Searching for the exciting, sparkly, shimmery things that make life magical. Bringing Adventure and Spontaneity back! Seeking the thrills! Not just for me, but the whole family! If mummy sparkles and shines, the family will enjoy the benefits. A Happy Wife = A Happy Life!!  Through the fabulous wonders of Blogging and Social Networking, I have connected to, and been inspired by, so many women  out there who have created their own businesses around their families, making beautiful objects that they love, following their passions, strengths and talents. IT CAN BE DONE!!!

And that is my Mummy-Mantra: 'Don't just dream about it. DO IT!!'

Follow your dreams, follow your heart.

What are YOU waiting for? xxx

*First published on the super duper MUMS LOUNGE Billboard

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Oh 'O', Say It Ain't So!

Lady O on the set of her Final Show (sob! sob!)

Well, that was it.
The last Oprah Winfrey Show.
An end of an era. And what an era it was.

Oprah has been a constant in my (young) life for the past 20 years. Some years I watched her show avidly, other years (baby-birthing years) it was anytime I had a desperate, spare (!!) moment. But her messages were always powerful, and so many have shaped me in becoming the Woman that I Am Today.

I remember during my dastardly teen years when I would skip school was 'sick' and had to stay home, I could think of nothing better than snuggling on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and a box of tissues nearby, ready and awaiting my next rush of inspiration.

My bookshelves resonate with a collection of inspiring books by Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Iyanla Vanzant, Sarah Ban Breathnach, Maya Angelou, Ekhart Tolle and many others who were brought to my attention by Ms O.  During my formulative teen years, messages of self-empowerment and self-belief made positive imprints on my psyche.

Another memorable moment for me was the introduction of Oprah's Book Club. Was I the only one who turned into a weepy, blubbery mess while reading Oprah's recommended 'The Bridges of Madison County' by Robert James Waller (hold on... reliving memories of Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep from the film version... need tissues to wipe away tears...).

Ok, I'm back now.

What would our world have been like without Oprah Winfrey? Can you imagine?
Her impact and influence has been globally and culturally nothing less than amazing.
The power of words, the power of television, the power of giving and sharing, the power of listening.

Occassionally when I was experiencing one of 'THOSE" days, when everything would be overwhelming, I would meditatively wash my dishes and imagine Oprah was sitting in my kitchen with me, drinking coffee and eating  some muffins I'd just freshly baked. We'd be having a nice ol' girlie chat and she'd help me put everything into perspective again. "Girlfriend", she would say in her Oprah-esque voice (like she was talking to her BFF Gayle) "don't sweat the small stuff! Oh, and could you please pass me another one of those deee-licious muffins?"

Actual muffin not baked by me. This is a Fantasy Muffin for a Fantasy Scenario (image from dashingdish.com)

Well, the possibility of Oprah having morning tea in my kitchen is zilch, zero, nada, just like my dream of going to a taping of an 'Oprah Winfrey Show'. Sometimes you take for granted that something will always be there.

Oprah has been a great teacher. Not that I would blindly listen to everything she had to say. A great teacher gets you to think, question, explore, and want to know more. A great teacher shows you that even you can play the smallest part in the overall bigger picture. Everything and everyone is connected.

My biggest Oprah lesson that I'm carrying around right now is a quote by author Toni Morrison. Morrison spoke of her experience of motherhood, and 'the critical face' (read the interview here). She realized that everytime her children walked into the room they would see their mothers face judging that their socks weren't pulled up straight enough, their hair wasn't brushed neat enough, their faces weren't clean enough. Morrison realized that her face was a mirror reflecting judgement. After her 'A-HA!' moment, Morrison made a point of 'lighting up with joy' everytime her children walked into the room. Love and Joy was reflected back to the children, and they knew they were the Source of their Mother's Love and Happiness.

image taken from here

And that is what I carry with me as a mother today. I am conscious of what I reflect back to my daughters with my expression, my words, and my actions. Never a day goes by without me telling them how much I love them, and kissing them and hugging them every goodmorning and every goodnight.

Final lesson learned:

It's not just that one person can change the world, it's a person that BELIEVES in themselves, that can.

Thank you, Oprah xxx

Have you had a Great Oprah Lesson you'd like to share?

And now 'Whoa, Mamma!' will leave you with the original Soul Mamma, Ms Aretha Franklin, who will leave you in no doubt that Life is Truly Amazing.

Aretha Franklin sings 'Amazing Grace' (www.oprah.com)