"O
where, o where has my Spon-ta-ne-i-ty gone?
O where,
o where could it be?"
This year I have been making many
pledges to myself. Trying to find the 'Me' in 'Mother'. Ever since I
became The Mum, everything that (I thought) I was, everything that I had
dreamed for myself, changed. On my very first day as a Mum, I had new
priorities and there were two of them (twins). They were my new world and
nothing else mattered. Well, that is not entirely true, because my Darling Hubby
mattered, and I mattered, but I couldn't get my head around how to fit 'us'
into the priorities anymore. So I began editing madly, like a frenzied
Tarantino. Social life was over, too hard! Cut! Jewellery and accessories? A
choking hazard! Had to go. Cut! Friends? Most were still single and carefree.
Schmoozing and cocktails was definitely out. Gone were the 'Sex and the City'
days, hello 'Tired and the Bleary' days. Cut! Cut! Cut! Reading and writing?
Are you serious?! My treasured novels were replaced by a 'How-To-Raise-Twins'
manual, and the only opportunity I had to proudly display my delightful
penmanship was when writing out the endless grocery lists I handed over to Hubby:
Go Forth and Shop! I could not find the time nor strength for anything else in
life which was not baby-related. Well, that's not entirely true. Hubby and I must have found time for something because
I was pregnant again by the time the twins were 6 months old! Three babies
within 16 months!!!!
The whirlwind that is Motherhood,
I've found, has stripped me of my Spontaneity. Remember the thrill of being
able to just leave the house at anytime, and go anywhere, and do any old silly
thing you felt like? I miss those days. To survive (and for your kiddies to
survive) planning, scheduling and researching (generally) make life as a Domestic Goddess much easier. Let’s
see, there are Meal Plans, Daily Tasks, Weekly Planners, Laundry Days, Grocery Days,
Sex Days (just kidding...or am I????). Cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing (ha!). Some days I just
feel like I’m living the same day over, and over, and over again. Which brings me to the dreaded word
....'Routine'. Granted, things tend to run smoother in life when we stick to
it, but 'routine' hides another word: 'rut' , and I'm pledging to get out of
one.
Somewhere
under the Mum is the 'Me'. She's been very patient and obedient for the last 5
years, a model citizen, but somewhat frozen in time. I fear she's been feeling
a little bit forgotten and unappreciated. She used to be daring, exciting,
spontaneous! The girl that set off to buy toilet paper one dreary morning in
London, and found herself 3 hours later on a flight to Menorca with her bestie,
enjoying 3 days of sangria, communist youth hostels, secret nudie beaches and Espadrille
heaven! Oh, spontaneity! I miss you!
‘What about me?’ pouts the inner-Girl of
Yore.
‘Yes? What about you?’ replies the exhausted Mummy-Me Exterior.
‘What about all the writing, and
the travelling, and the designing, and the creating, the villa in Tuscany and
the Academy Award I was going to win?’ (High
hopes, a girl can dream).
‘Well, you have CHILDREN now, you
have a HUSBAND, YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!’ says the Mummy-Me, as she
gives the overflowing baskets of laundry the Evil-Eye.
‘Yes, but can't I still do
things? I promise I won't get in anybody's way?’
And that's the sad truth. I'm
slowly trying to find ways of doing things that will enhance my soul and my
being, but without it impacting or detracting from my family time. It's a
juggling act, and as is often the case, I just drop the balls and give up if my
family needs me. Mother Guilt is the nagging voice that kills off spontaneity,
and more often than not, I heed her call. I started up at the gym last
year, signing up to a 12 month membership. I've attended sporadically 10 times
in the last 12 months. I was given gift vouchers for sewing and bagmaking courses which I had desperately wanted
to do, nut they ended up expiring because I stayed home to tend to sick
kiddies. My family needed me. The scary thing is though, I'm almost
setting myself up for a fail. I find it's easier to just opt out of a situation
because I half expect it to fall through anyway.
Ever heard the of the term
"Getting ready to get ready"? I think Dr Phil throws it about alot.
It basically refers to preparing, planning, researching and scheduling your
next step in order to take the Next Step. I’ll admit, I've been doing
this for a while now. I think it's best known as PROCRASTINATING. I’m probably
the Queen of Procrastination. Well, not anymore, sister! I've had enough of it!
I'm not going to just say things and wish for things to happen, I'M GOING TO MAKE
THEM HAPPEN!! Ladies Who Lunch? Ha! I'm going to be the Lady Who
Launched. Taking the plunge, going out there, facing my fears and jumping
off the edge. And Blogging has been my very first step. I've always loved to
write. I have a trunk filled with journals and sketchbooks from when I was a
child. Growing up I was never without a notebook or pencil. But I had stopped writing
over the last 5 years and it had almost felt like a part of me had died. Do you
know the TERROR I felt when I pressed on that little orange 'PUBLISH' button
for my very first blog post? I may as well have been posting rudie-nudie
pics of myself all over cyberspace, that's how exposed I felt. But I DID IT!!!!
Yee-haaaaa!
This year is all about
Inspiration and (Re)Discovery. I'm surrounding myself with beautiful things and
ideas that uplift, inspire and enthrall me. Searching for the exciting,
sparkly, shimmery things that make life magical. Bringing Adventure and
Spontaneity back! Seeking the thrills! Not just for me, but the whole family!
If mummy sparkles and shines, the family will enjoy the benefits. A Happy Wife
= A Happy Life!! Through the fabulous wonders of Blogging and Social
Networking, I have connected to, and been inspired by, so many women out
there who have created their own businesses around their families, making beautiful
objects that they love, following their passions, strengths and talents. IT CAN
BE DONE!!!
And that is my Mummy-Mantra:
'Don't just dream about it. DO IT!!'
Follow your dreams, follow your
heart.
What are YOU waiting for? xxx
*First published on the super duper MUMS LOUNGE Billboard
