Sunday, May 1, 2011

Mummy War-drobe SOS: I Wanna Be Gokked


Somedays I just wanna be Gokked! Gokked hard and often. Gok me, Gok me NOW!!!! For those who may be unaware the adorable Gok Wan is a popular Fashion stylist and television host of 'How To Look Good Naked'. He is the Master of the Makeover and how I wish I could carry him in my pocket (he's tiny!) and have him dress me everyday. Every girl needs a gay celebrity stylist as their best friend!!!


The Mummy Wardrobe, or War-drobe as I've come to call it, is the Battleground of the Outfits. Pre-babies I devoured fashion. I walked the path of the Glamour Puss and invested my hard earned pennies in the latest Oz fashions and shoes, shoes and more shoes. Tonics, lotions, potions, elixirs, tubs and scrubs. Single and carefree I enjoyed the preening and the pampering. Fast forward 5 years and it's come to a screeching halt. Bye Bye $40 Aveda shampoo, hello No More Tears Baby. Au revoir Jean Paul Gaultier Classic parfum, bonjour eau de Glen 20. I had stopped wearing earrings because my babies would clutch onto them with their chubby fists, desperately trying to suck on them as if they were teethers. I stopped with the lipstick because my babies heads would be smothered in ruby red kisses resembling patches of eczema.

Since becoming A Mum my wardrobe has whittled down to the barest of essentials. And when I mean bare, I'm talking I only wear clothes for the sake of modesty. Pull-on jeans, singlet, throw on cardi, dark glasses, pony tail, ballet flats and I'm out the door. For the past 5 years I have been a stay-at-home mum and have happily gotten away with yoga pants and hoodies 7 days a week. But all that has changed as of this year. I have now become a School Mum.  My twins started school this year and that means I am out in Public!! The pressure, the pressure! I have to lift my game and practice having adult conversations again. Popping out 3 little ones in a space of 16 months meant that I did not have much of a social life (and by not much, I mean zero/zilch/nada).

My fashion choices can be deemed Nigella-esque. We may both be raven-haired, buxom, wear tight fitting cardis and have a penchant for licking cake batter, but that's where the similarities end. Porridge crusted handprints on my butt and in my hair are the only accessories which adorn me at this moment. I may have been in a Fashion-coma for the last few child-rearing years but I had sense enough to avoid committing any Lycra sins. Anything featuring hi-sheen, low-sheen, Mr Sheen and Charlie Sheen are banned wardrobe attire. I still hold onto a pair of my maternity jeans for those special occassion cake-eating days. A day shower is a luxury and bubble baths are enjoyed only by the dirty dishes in my sink. And my ultimate fashion rule of note: just because it zips up, ladies, it doesn't mean it fits.

My wardrobe is a Sea of Black. Blame it on a major Fashion Department store that I worked for for over 7 years of my young life. Black was the staple of our work uniform. Black, black and more black. It's kind of hard to shake off. Maybe it's a Melbourne thing? Colour can be quite shocking at times for me, but gimme Red Shoes and I'm hot to trot!!! I locate what I want to wear amidst the inky blackness of my closet by using the 'Touch and Feel' method. My magic fingers can usefully discern the difference between jersey, silk, cotton, nylon, polyester, wool, linen, denim and crepe. Oh, I have many hidden talents!!!

But this year, I have taken a pledge for myself. My girlies are growing fast and I'm finding myself with a little bit more 'Me' time (an extremely precious commodity!!!). I have pledged to get my GROOVE back. I owe it to me. Unleashing the Woman lurking beneath the Safe, Practical and Sensible Mummy surface. They will find a way to live in Harmony, oh yes, they WILL!!!! And the first thing I'm going to do is purchase myself some Very Impractical Shoes.

11 comments:

Ilja Oostenenk said...

Loved it!!!! love your writing and what you wrote-I am feeling it too... while I never leave the house without lipstick or polished toes-that's it (as nOT the onlky thing, but the only effort)! I still have 1 1/2 years before kids are in school, but you make it sounds very exciting.... xx

Jessicats said...

Oh Ilja! You definitely put more effort into it than I do! Polished toes is very high up in the Glamour stakes. Am working my way up slowly. Will start with some clear lip gloss. Hope you have a wonderful trip away with your family xxx

Angela ~ Yes, Dear! said...

Great read ... thoroughly enjoyed it! I look forward to hearing of your chosen "unpractical shoes" ... we all should own them :0)

Romstar said...

Love it Jessicats! Gave up the jewellery - but cannot go sans lipstick! Red blotches it is :)

Jessicats said...

Oh Romstar, hello! Hubby was also a reason to go sans lippie. The tell-tale signs were too hard to disguise when he was helping me out the back with the "laundry". xxx

Minni Mittsie said...

What a fantastic read Jess! Even in our days of wearing black, black and more black you still looked fabulous - it's that gorgeous smile that just lights up anyones day - but I know what you mean about the 'bare essentials' wardrobe because I'm right there with you now:) Can't wait to see the glam pair of shoes you invest in - why not pamper yourself for Mothers Day or any other day for that matter. Thank you for this great post - you really do have a way with writing words Jess ♥

Jessicats said...

My Minni Mittsie, you are an Angel and a Blessing and I love and adore you! I'm so happy we've been able to share our Motherhood path and joys together. Who would have thought all those years ago when we were working together at The Store That Will Not Be Named that our paths would cross so beautifully again. I'm so, so proud of you and you deserve every wonderful blessing in life. You are an amazing and beautiful friend. Luv you lots xxxxxxxxx

Alex said...

I think you may be my doppelganger!

I'm Alex from http://whoa-mumma.blogspot.com.

I'm an Aussie mum of many lovely kiddies and after realising the mummy wardrobe just wasn't going to cut it, I developed a deliciously obscene foot fetish.

Good luck on unleashing the woman within!

Jen Moffat-Hallam said...

What a great post. I can totally empathize.
I used to manage great toes at all cost but that slipped along with everything else. Working at home means I can virtually stay in my pjs all day. Dangerous territory.
I think the idea of starting with impractical shoes is a good one. The challenge is on!
Thanks Jess. We all need to remember that we are actually an individual as well as a mummy.

Jessicats said...

Alex, my doppelganger and fellow footwear adorer! Hello! All I can say is that we must be kindred spirits and that great minds think alike ;) Just acquainted myself with your blog too. You're one very funny mumma and we have scarily similar tastes. You outnumber me on the child-front by one kiddie. Looking forward to sharing our 'Whoa's' together!!!! Jess xxx

Jessicats said...

Hi Jen! It's true, we all need to remember that we are individuals underneath all the 'mumminess', but it's kinda hard at times. Mummies are great people-pleasers, nurturers, rescuers and experts at putting their needs last. Unfortunately it doesn't leave much time for ourselves. But we're worth the effort! xxx

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