A new year has begun and I'm relishing in its newness, and in its possibilities.
I know the reality is that life is just one day, followed by another, followed by another, followed by another. Minutes become hours. Hours become days. Days become weeks. Week turn into months and months become years. Sometimes the days go quick. Sometimes they drag on. Some days meld into each other and you have no idea what day of the week it is. Fridays have a feeling. Sundays have a feeling. Mondays definitely have a feeling. What feeling does today have?
It is school holidays and my husband has just taken our girls to the park for a couple of hours. It dawned on me that for the past 32 days of school holidays this was the first time that I was actually home ALONE. A selfish delight welled up inside of me. What to do with this precious time? Laze about? De-clutter? Laundry? Read a book? Cook? Dance about my kitchen and sing along with Elvis?
What to do with THIS day?
The possibilities flustered me. Decision-making is not one of my fortés. My brain filters decisions in this order: other people's happiness first, then mine. I have wasted a lot of precious brain activity going through the pros and cons of a decision so that I come up with a win-win for everybody. It's exhausting having my brain sometimes.
I am essentially a people-pleaser. And pleasing people that I love genuinely makes me happy. Sometimes I feel that it's what I live for. But it's futile if you don't put that same love and energy towards pleasing yourself too.
And so, to put some sort of order and meaning into my life, I have come up with my Intention for this new year. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. I have always been disappointed by them. So instead I would like to live my life with Intention.
My intention, especially this year, is to Follow Through.
There are so many little projects and dreams I have been wanting to do. Some I attempt, but through disorganization and distractions they are left in utter disarray. Books left unfinshed. Attempts at jewellery making. Recipes ripped out of magazines. Places I'd like to visit. People I'd like to see. Things I'd like to do. Things I SHOULD do.
Often I think I don't have enough time, but really, that's just my lazy excuse. I need to be smarter with with my time. To sort out the chaos that runs through my mind, which usually is reflected by the state of my house, I have come up with some mantras to keep me focussed. Whether it is an action or an object, I will ask myself this:
What PURPOSE does this fulfil in my life?
It has to make life BETTER in some way.
Where does this BELONG?
This is to help me de-clutter. Everything should have a purpose, a function, a use. If it deserves a place in my home and my life, there has to be a dedicated space for it. If there's no purpose, it has to go.
What GOOD shall I do next?
This I interpret in many ways. It could be an altruistic gesture like visiting my grandmother to brighten up her day. It could be tackling one of those chores you've been putting off but once you've done it the result make you happy. An action that brings you satisfaction and joy.
And so, as I type, it suddenly dawned on me that a decision had been made. I chose to write. I wanted to re-ignite my passion for this little blogging space and I followed through, distracted, fuddled mind and all. The sound of keys in the door. Giggling girls carrying chocolate milkshakes followed by their smiling father bound in.
"Did you have some nice 'Mummy Time', mummy?", they ask.
"Yes, darlings. I sure did" I reply, arms out for hugs.
Mamma made a decision today.
Mamma followed through.
Mamma feels Good.
Did you make a New Year's Resolution this year?
What is your Intention?