Shooting for the Stars and Following Through

A new year has begun and I'm relishing in its newness, and in its possibilities.
I know the reality is that life is just one day, followed by another, followed by another, followed by another. Minutes become hours. Hours become days. Days become weeks. Week turn into months and months become years. Sometimes the days go quick. Sometimes they drag on. Some days meld into each other and you have no idea what day of the week it is. Fridays have a feeling. Sundays have a feeling. Mondays definitely have a feeling. What feeling does today have?

It is school holidays and my husband has just taken our girls to the park for a couple of hours. It dawned on me that for the past 32 days of school holidays this was the first time that I was actually home ALONE. A selfish delight welled up inside of me. What to do with this precious time? Laze about? De-clutter? Laundry? Read a book? Cook? Dance about my kitchen and sing along with Elvis?
What to do with THIS day?

The possibilities flustered me. Decision-making is not one of my fortés. My brain filters decisions in this order: other people's happiness first, then mine. I have wasted a lot of precious brain activity going through the pros and cons of a decision so that I come up with a win-win for everybody. It's exhausting having my brain sometimes.

I am essentially a people-pleaser. And pleasing people that I love genuinely makes me happy. Sometimes I feel that it's what I live for. But it's futile if you don't put that same love and energy towards pleasing yourself too.

And so, to put some sort of order and meaning into my life, I have come up with my Intention for this new year. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. I have always been disappointed by them. So instead I would like to live my life with Intention.
My intention, especially this year, is to Follow Through.

There are so many little projects and dreams I have been wanting to do. Some I attempt, but through disorganization and distractions they are left in utter disarray. Books left unfinshed. Attempts at jewellery making. Recipes ripped out of magazines. Places I'd like to visit. People I'd like to see. Things I'd like to do. Things I SHOULD do.

Often I think I don't have enough time, but really, that's just my lazy excuse. I need to be smarter with with my time. To sort out the chaos that runs through my mind, which usually is reflected by the state of my house, I have come up with some mantras to keep me focussed. Whether it is an action or an object, I will ask myself this:

What PURPOSE does this fulfil in my life?
It has to make life BETTER in some way.

Where does this BELONG?
This is to help me de-clutter. Everything should have a purpose, a function, a use. If it deserves a place in my home and my life, there has to be a dedicated space for it. If there's no purpose, it has to go.

What GOOD shall I do next?
This I interpret in many ways. It could be an altruistic gesture like visiting my grandmother to brighten up her day. It could be tackling one of those chores you've been putting off but once you've done it the result make you happy. An action that brings you satisfaction and joy.

And so, as I type, it suddenly dawned on me that a decision had been made. I chose to write. I wanted to re-ignite my passion for this little blogging space and I followed through, distracted, fuddled mind and all. The sound of keys in the door. Giggling girls carrying chocolate milkshakes followed by their smiling father bound in.

"Did you have some nice 'Mummy Time', mummy?", they ask.
"Yes, darlings. I sure did" I reply, arms out for hugs.

Mamma made a decision today.
Mamma followed through.
Mamma feels Good.

♥

Did you make a New Year's Resolution this year?
What is your Intention?

Phoenix Rising

It has been a while since my last blog post. A long, long while.
'What happened to your blog?', they asked.
'Why have you stopped writing?', they queried.
I don't know.
Something inside me quietened and sought shelter deep within my soul.
I'm not sure exactly why, but suddenly I felt vulnerable and exposed.
I was sharing a lot about my life and my family and, although I very much enjoyed doing it, I suddenly felt the need to retreat.

A shy gal, such that I am, needs a bit of quiet time now and then.

My thoughts and my dreams hibernated in their safe place, swirling around with my list of Must-Do's. Sometimes it was quite chaotic in that little mind of mine. The clashing of Wants vs Needs. I needed the quiet time to re-evaluate my priorities and to put things into perspective. The past few months have seen me earnestly dedicating my time to my husband and children, creating beautiful moments with them, while my caterpillar-like soul snuggled in her cocoon.

I've had my rest and now I'm ready. The cocoon served its purpose. This butterfly is ready to spread her creative wings and take flight.

So many ideas are fluttering about in my head. So many possibilities. So many paths I could take. It's a little bit scary, you know? Unleashing your creative spirit. Especially since I've been holding it back for so long. It's like a wild, black stallion on a stampede. Dangerous and exhilirating. But I'm ready for the ride. Giddy-up!

Have you been holding back your creative urges?
What is your  soul crying out for? Are you ready to listen to it?
What's holding you back?
GO FOR IT!!!!!

♥

My Best and Worst Mothering Moments: brought to you by Facebook

The Year: 2008

I walked into the room and saw my little sister tapping away at her laptop.
"What are you doing? We're going to be late!" I screeched. We were heading out for a shopping day. Hubby was going to look after the babies. I was desperate for a latte and I had the Urge to Splurge.
"Just a minute. I'm writing on Nat's wall and we'll go."
"Her 'wall'? What? Are you demented? What is that?"
"It's called Facebook. We write each other messages".
"What messages? Didn't you just get off the phone with her? Why don't you just speak like normal people? What a load of sh........."

Fastward 1 year later.

The Year: 2009

Mamma with a new laptop.
Apple MacBook. Swoon.
Little sister in Barcelona. Husband's family all in Greece.
Husband at work all day. Mamma home alone with three energetic toddlers.
Cut off from civilization.
Lonely.
Need an escape.
Open Facebook account.
My justification is it's a means to communicate with my sister and I could upload and share lots photos of the kidlets for all relatives overseas to delight in.

And so, it begins...

Farmville, Vampire Wars, cyber cocktails, waking up at 6am to harvest cyber cornfields, slaying virtual vampires, winning tokens, reconnecting with primary school/high school/university/work friends (and strangers).

Facebook.
You had me at 'Log In'.

I was hooked. The babies would crawl about my feet, sucking on toys, shoes, remote controls and I'd be tap, tap, tapping. Click, click, clicking. Scroll, scroll, scrolling. Hours of 'refresh feed'. The Wiggles dvd's would be on repeat to entertain my babies. 'Hot Potato' and 'Toot-Toot-Chugga-Chugga Big Red Car' were the soundtrack to my cyber-addiction.

Before my husband would return home late at night, I'd delete the history on my laptop. I didn't want him to see just how much time I was spending on the computer. The fact that the house was always in disarray wasn't a giveaway?

My Worst Mothering Moment.


I was toilet training the twins. They were watching The Wiggles (again) and I was having a 'Gwyneth-Paltrow-in-Sliding-Doors' moment, stalking looking at Facebook photos of an ex-paramour and his new family,and pondering what life may have been like if Fate had taken me in a different direction. (By the way, Fate & Instinct could not have been kinder to me, so grateful for the life and precious family that I have).
"Mummy", called out Twin A, "mummy, wee-wee coming".
"Ok, sweetie. Mummy's coming". Tap, tap. Click, click.
"Mummy. Toilet mummy. Wee-wee".
"Yes, darling. Just a minute. Mummy's coming". Click, scroll, refresh.
"Muuuuuuummmmmmmmyyyyyyy!!!!!"
"YES!!!! I'M COOOOOOOOMINGGGGG!!!" Click. Click.
I enter the lounge room and find little Twin A watching The Wiggles and standing in a giant puddle of wee.
"Sorry, Mummy. Wee-wee came".
I had never felt so sick or repulsed in all my life. Bad Mother. Worst Mother in the World. Selfish, deluded Mother.
I picked her up and squeezed her.
"Mummy's sorry. Mummy's so very sorry, for everything."
I cleaned her up and scooped up the rest of the girls. I spent the rest of the day hugging and kissing them, reading to them, playing with them, singing to them, inhaling their scent, tickling them just so that I could hear their joyous laugh.

I had hit rock bottom as a mamma but it was the wake up call I needed.

What was the allure of Facebook?

A sense of connection? A sense of friendship and camaraderie? A sense of belonging? Feeling that I hadn't been forgotten? I was so caught up in sharing moments in other people's lives, I was forgetting to create my own.


Best Mothering Moments


Believe it or not, Facebook has helped me become a better mother.
Through blogging and Facebook I have discovered so many wonderful, supportive groups and communities  that have connected me with other fabulous mothers who tread the tricky, yet terrific, yellowbrick road of Motherhood. These life-enhancing sites include Kidspot, Mums Lounge, JustB, Circle of Moms, MamaBake, Mums Helping Mums Network, Lovely Living, The Imperfect Mum, The Organised Housewife, Stay At Home Mum and Planning With Kids, just to name a fabulous few.

And don't get me started on all the fabulous Mamma's who blog.
Saved. My. Sanity.

Motherhood can be hard. It can be lonely. Many of us constantly question if we are doing the right things by our kids. Many of us feel isolated. Many of us need help but don't feel comfortable asking for it. These pages and forums are a great way to connect, share, find information and ask questions.

Two ladies that have phenomenally impacted my life as a woman and mother (more than they'll ever know) are Kirri White from Happy Mums at Home and Nathalie Brown from Easy Peasy Kids. Their consistently positive messages have made me a happier woman and a more vibrant, engaging, joyous mother to my kids. I guarantee they have the means of turning your darkest day into sparkling, shimmering brightness.

Although I'm still engaging with social media (blogging/Facebook/Pinterest/Twitter/Instagram anyone?), I look for experiences that enhance my life in a positive way through inspiration, motivation (and a little humour!) ;)

And when my kids call out to me and say "Mummy, you know, we're more important than the computer", they're absolutely right. Time to switch off and turn the Mamma Lovin' up high.

Are you a social media addict? Has the internet impacted your role as a Mother?